I may have posted this before on V's site, but I honestly don't recall. Would appreciate feedback on which version (if any) work for you and why.
Chafing
under the mildest
of constraint,
unable to
reign myself to graciously
yield to the least
of your requests.
Your gentle voice
is steel-cut, no matter
what little you ask.
Modified version #2:
Far flung
and uncharted,
I am no longer tame.
Chafing
under the mildest
of constraint,
unable to
reign myself to graciously
yield to the least
of your requests.
Your gentle voice
is steel-cut, no matter
what little you ask.
original:
Chafing
under the mildest
of constraint,
unable to
reign myself to graciously
yield to the least
of your requests.
Far flung
and uncharted,
I am no longer tame;
your gentle voice
steel-cut, no matter
what little you ask.
Chafing
under the mildest
of constraint,
unable to
reign myself to graciously
yield to the least
of your requests.
Far flung
and uncharted,
I am no longer tame;
your gentle voice
steel-cut, no matter
what little you ask.
the helplessness of flesh to steel
ReplyDeleteI prefer edit #2
Hello, old friend. So nice to see you here, and with a helpful comment as always. I find myself drawn to #2 as well.
ReplyDeleteThe helplessness of flesh to steel is a lovely line in itself. Let's see if one of us might do something with it.
Nice to see you too.
ReplyDeleteI like your poem. It's about wearing someone down. All fast emotion adds to futility.
I see it as personification of two forces.
Interesting thought --- wearing someone down, which may be totally apt. I see it as someone unconventional and so far and happily encompassed in his/her own way of living, thinking, feeling that even the most subtle of constraint feels like a brutal demand.The person is cognizant of it, but can't seem to help feeling maligned by the least of requests.
ReplyDeletethin line between helplessness and freedom.
ReplyDeleteI hear freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
ReplyDelete